I have been with my master for the past 7 years and I believe I am his true disciple. I started training in spirituality and holistic healing under him since I was around 19 years old. As I had mentioned in my previous blogs: The Free Thinker and The Wishful Thinker, it was part of a “soul searching” process. I had the question in mind “What if there is a God?” and wanted to test it. And through the practice of these things, I felt more and more skeptical about the supernatural.
Even though there is some strange feeling in the hand when I try to “heal” someone, I don’t think it is because of any energy flowing out. Probably it is just the nerves on the palm giving me that feeling. But then why is it that sometimes, when we wish intensely, things work for us? I have been with my master for such a long time. And it was not until recently that I opened up and told him that I am an atheist. I had my own explanation to the phenomena called miracle since it was hard for me to accept that there is a God behind our desires and the results they produce because there are times when the desires don’t work and we are left out frustrated.
During the years of my training, I used to get up at 2 AM and meditate for an hour everyday and practise Kung Fu in the moonlight. It gave a weird but good feeling to do that. I used to visit the graveyard at the nearby church to feel with my hand and test whether there is any energy inflow or outflow there. I used to go to the classrooms at night and through my “healing energy” heal the events that are going to happen the next day since I was told that energy can travel in time. I used to preach astrology, numerology and palmistry and was very famous in my college for that. Many of my friends used to come to me to interpret their dreams or get to know their future.
I used to create events for the future, especially for my examinations and relationships. But alas, it didn’t work. I flunked in many exams due to lack of preparation and I didn’t get many girl friends. Then I thought, can’t these things be just a coincidence? Or is it? Well, I kept asking this until one day I saw a movie, Dasavataram. It talks about Chaos Theory and Butterfly Effect. It is not the movie, but the concept that fascinated me. It was something I have been thinking for a long time but didn’t know what to call it and I got interested in the mathematics involved.
When I told my master that I am an atheist, he said that it is okay with him because he respects the individual beliefs of his disciples. I was shocked because I didn’t expect him to say that. I thought he would say something like : “Pleasant, you have despised the Lord and you will be punished for this!” But he proved me wrong. And he heard me out and asked me what do I call God. I said, I don’t call it anything since I don’t think such a thing exists. Then he wanted me to explain how did the many solutions in my life happen whenever I told him my problems.
I told him that I am not sure about how it happened but certainly there is no God behind it. I mentioned to him the mathematical concept of Chaos and how it applies to dynamical systems. I gave a simple example. There was a teapoy in his room. I told him that if I shake the teapoy gently, it will vibrate and if I continue to do that for a very long time, it can break the teapoy. He agreed to that. Now that was for a small vibration. If there was a larger vibration, then the time it takes for the teapoy to break will be less.
Now coming to the problem solving part. I have been thinking deeply about quantisation of space-time for the past eight years. May be, the vibrations that we create through intense desire grow to immense sizes, capable of affecting everyday life. Probably that is what happened when I have desired certain things and confided them to my master and got them working. And this is what I explained to him. I told him that the vibrations propagate through the quantised space-time.
But there are counter arguments too that we can give as I mentioned before, intense desire doesn’t always work. Only at certain times it does. If we don’t want to believe that this is just chance, well I think the only rational explanation that can be given is that there is a way by which a particular vibration can propagate. The vibrations may be hindered because of other factors. Only the disturbances that grow above a threshold limit often called the “tipping point” might be capable of affecting our lives. Also the word disturbance is not a good one, since the effect that we see can be both positive and negative. It is just like letting a system undergo changes in a controlled manner thereby slowly increasing the effect over time.
So my conclusion is this: Either it is pure chance that good and bad things happen to us or there is a mathematical model that can be formulated to explain why they do. The disturbances created by thoughts might materialise into reality. The title The Atheist Disciple is apt for this discussion since the term disciple is often taken only in the spiritual sense. I have a very good relation with my master. He is my friend and philosopher and is glad that I have a different outlook about the world we live in. Very recently I watched the program in BBC Four : “High Anxieties – The Mathematics of Chaos” and I knew, here is a nice candidate for the theory of how things work in our lives. The reason I am with my master still is that he has never asked me to write anything down in stone and stick to it. He has always given very practical suggestions to issues than making statements like “Believe in God and you will see miracles” etc.
We live in a world that is unpredictable where the entropy always increases. None of the religious scriptures have predicated accurately the events in our worlds. And the more and more we advance in mathematics, we will derive better theories to arrive at conclusions as to how the many allegedly mysterious phenomena happen. Today, I thought of writing about this because I couldn’t help thinking that there was a different world than what we have perceived yet. Your comments and feedback is highly appreciated. Thanks for your time.